Time to breathe.

Had the WTF appointment. It went as well as could be expected.

She literally went day by day over our entire cycle, starting from the first monitoring appointment after I started stims. Went over all my hormone levels and follicle sizes and the progress throughout the whole cycle.

After going through everything and addressing our questions, she gave it to us straight. The fact that we only had 2 suitable embryos after everything? It’s almost certainly purely a sperm issue. She said I responded pretty fantastic given my age and all my levels. The next cycle, she wants to add in Omnitrope to possibly improve egg quality, even though she said it was just fine as it. But might as well give it our all right?

So why did they retrieve 12 mature eggs and we only end up with 2? Well, the sperm ain’t so hot.┬áThe tricky part of testicular failure is that there is literally nothing that can be done to improve counts. Nada. It’s not a question of if the sperm will dwindle to 0, it’s when. On retrieval day, his count was actually at 400,000 – the highest they’d ever been (I actually high-fived my husband in the middle of the appointment when she mentioned this, because we are mature adults ready to be parents). So really, all we can do is try to improve the quality. So for 90 days, husband is taking a cocktail of vitamins and antioxidants from some specialty pharmacy. She put me on CoQ10 and a fish oil/DHA supplement as well. She said there’s no reason to believe that his count will drop from 400,000ish to 0 by November – she assured me she’s never seen it drop that fast in all her years doing this. So…finally some good news.

The clinic lab shuts down for a huge chunk of December, so the plan is to do the cycle in November and freeze all, then transfer in January. I told her I never should have done a fresh and I didn’t want to do one again and she put up no fight at that, which I was thankful for.

I hate that we’re in this position again. I hate all of it. But we have a plan. I fucking love plans. I am that woman that makes┬ápacking lists in excel before taking trips. So to have a plan is already making me feel like a human again. I have 3 months to take control of my body and my life again.

So…today is a good day.