No jokes in the stirrups, please.


Seriously. No RE should be cracking jokes pre-9 AM while I’m half naked in stirrups. She did it YET AGAIN. We were chatting as she prepped the twat wand and started looking at my ovaries. She mentioned seeing some good follicles and I said, yeah I can feel them.

Then, AS SHE IS MOVING THE WAND INSIDE OF ME, she says “I bet you’re really starting to feel things move in there, huh?”

I just snorted and glared at her. Talk about a trick question. I really like this lady and I’m sure I’ll send her a fruit basket or something if she knocks me up (side note…is this appropriate? I feel like I will literally owe her my first born but fruit cannot convey enough thanks). But for the love of god, let me put some pants on and even the playing field a little.

First monitoring appointment since starting stims. It went pretty quickly and she seemed pleased so I’ll take it. At least 5 follicles going strong in ole Righty, she mentioned a bunch of measurements but I didn’t catch all of them. I know one was at least 14.5 mm and I think I heard another 14 and a 13 in there. Ole Lefty has around the same amount, not quite as large, but still double digit sizes I think. So I get to add Ganirelix to the shot cocktail party tonight to keep me from ovulating these hopefully lovely mature eggs I’m growing here. My E2 levels were at 449 (again, no f-ing clue what this means, but she seemed pleased). I go back Saturday at freaking 8:45 in the morning for more bloodwork and another monitoring appointment. Egg retrieval is still tentatively set for Wednesday, and she still hasn’t made a final decision on if we’ll do a fresh transfer or a freeze all.

Also, how is it possible that these stupid follicles are measured in MILLIMETERS yet have the ability to bloat me up so freaking much?? This is ridiculous. Science baby, you better be awesome.


IVF #1 Running Tally:

Number of vials of blood drawn: 13

Number of Twat Wand Sessions: 6

Number of self injections: 10