Long time no see.

It’s been quite a month. Husband and I spent 2 weeks traveling around Europe and I’m just now getting back into the swing of things.

Still here. Still miraculously pregnant. I had my mid-pregnancy anatomy sonogram yesterday at 19 weeks, 3 days. Little man is still in there and everything looks great. All of his organs look like they should, everything is developing how they expect it should. I’m still always so surprised when things are going as they should. I still feel like we haven’t earned this pregnancy and it’s a hard feeling to conquer.

Only minor hiccup is that I found out that I have minor placenta previa. Basically the placenta is infringing on my cervix. Good news is that in 90% of cases, the placenta will move as the uterus expands more and I will be normal by 28 weeks. If not, we’re looking at a mandatory C section. Boo. I’m trying to be optimistic. This means I get an extra sonogram at 28 weeks instead of waiting until 36. So yay!

I felt movement for the first time on a flight from Italy to Ireland. It was so surreal and of course I started crying. Nothing like looking like a crying weirdo on a plane, huh?

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14 weeks.

We went to my first appointment since I was 10 weeks today to check in on Peanut (still no name). I’m officially into the second trimester and I’ve actually managed to keep my shit together for the most part. I’ve stopped obsessively googling miscarriage statistics. I don’t automatically brace myself to see blood every time I sit down to pee. We’ve announced our news to the world.

And about that. We were fairly open about having to do a few rounds of IVF with our close friends and family. Not so much other people though. So when I started getting little comments (“Oh it’s about time!” “We were wondering when y’all would finally settle down!” “What took so long?!”) I decided fuck it, we’re being open. So I’ve starting telling people yeah, we had to do multiple rounds of IVF and had two failed transfers before this worked. So…that’s what took so long. Tends to shut them up. So hopefully they think before they open their mouths at someone else!

Back to the appointment. You might laugh, but this is the first time I was actually like holy crap, I am pregnant with a little human. He was wiggling around, rolling, waving, stretching, basically showing off. Or he was annoyed that his home kept getting poked and prodded…who knows. Also, there were a few times where he posed and there was zero question that he is, in fact, a boy. Yeah. There’s a teeny tiny little penis growing inside of me. Weird.

Side note: I have officially graduated to ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUNDS!!!! I went to a doctor and KEPT MY DAMN PANTS ON. This is milestone. It’s huge. IVF forced me to become comfortable with random strangers all up in my business. I mean, at this point I’m comfortable chatting about dinner plans as someone moves a twat wand around in me. So yeah…I was so excited when she gooped up my belly.

Everything is going as it should. I’m having the world’s most boring, uneventful pregnancy. And I’m thrilled about it and hope that trend continues for the next 25ish weeks.

Bonus: we actually managed a picture while he decided to chill for a bit! What up, Peanut?

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12 weeks.

Today I find myself 12 weeks pregnant with the peanut. It’s starting to feel more real. We’ve told our families. I’m planning on telling work next week. Things are happening.

We got the results from our NIPT. We did the Panorama test through Natera which tests for chromosomal abnormalities and identifies the sex. Low risk for everything tested. I don’t think I can accurately describe the relief that washed over me when I got the call from the nurse. I’m still so convinced that this pregnancy is hanging on by a thread.

Part of the hell that is going through IVF meant that I lost all ability to do all the cutesy shit you read about other women doing. I didn’t get to surprise my husband with a pregnancy test and a onesie. He knew damn well when I was peeing on a stick and what was riding on that morning’s pee. I’ve spent the past 2 months dealing with soul crippling anxiety because I know just how much can go wrong at any point.

So when I texted my husband the news that Peanut was low risk, I left out the part where they told me the sex.

And he didn’t ask.

So I decided to go cheesy. At my lunch break that day, I ran to Target and got a gender themed newborn oneside and a little gift box. When I got home, I told him to humor me and that if he wanted to know, he should open the box. He panicked for a split second – apparently he had totally forgotten that the testing would also tell us boy or girl. So he opened the box and found this:

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It’s a boy!

Part of me is terrified but most of me is pumped. Time to raise me a little kickass feminist boy. As long as he comes out healthy, I don’t care. I’m just happy.

Breathing.

So I don’t want to alarm anyone…

But apparently in 7 months I will be giving birth to either A) an alien or B) a Mexican Luchador (do I have to name it Nacho Libre?)

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Had my first appointment with the OB today obviously, and all is well. My blood pressure is back to normal (LOOK ME RELAXING DAMMIT), and the baby’s heartbeat is back down to an average 174bpm (it was 189 at 8 weeks!). I’m 10+1 but still measuring a few days ahead of schedule. But we got to see it move! About halfway through the tech taking her measurements, Peanut decided to wake up. It started wiggling around and moving. I swear there were jazz hands. My thyroid is being a shit and levels were at 3.4 at last check so my dosage has been increased yet again. They took like 8 vials of blood from me…brought back some lovely IVF memories. We’re doing the Panorama NIPT testing. Hopefully in 7-10 business days, we’ll find out if we’re at risk for chromosomal abnormalities and will even know the sex.

Holy shit. I’m pregnant. I might actually be having a baby.