Dare I say it?

I am dangerously close to approaching something like optimism. What is this horse shit?

Had my follow up sonogram with the RE this afternoon. Peanut is still in there. I’m 8 weeks, 3 days, but measuring 8 weeks, 6 days. Overachiever. Heart rate is a little higher than they’d like, but still in the acceptable range. I blame it on the crippling anxiety I had been experiencing in the hours leading up to the appointment. The RE lectured me that I’d have to start accepting the fact that I might actually give birth in 7 months and calm the fuck down. I’m paraphrasing of course but the sentiment is there.

I’ve officially been kicked out of the RE’s care and released to my OB. So I’m just like…a normal pregnant lady now? Weird but okay. I called her office and they actually managed to get me in in a little less than 2 weeks from now, the first week of April. I’ll be 10 weeks.

We (meaning my husband and I) actually talked a little bit today in a more concrete way. We’ve kind of spent the last 4.5 weeks not really acknowledging the elephant in the room. Today we actually talked about life like it included a little one coming along in late October.

This will definitely take some adjustment. I don’t deal very well with optimism. But I’m trying.


6 thoughts on “Dare I say it?

  1. I am optimistic for you! I like the mantra “today, I am pregnant”. You can plan a little for the future, but I don’t imagine even if it works for us that I’ll ever feel completely calm until the baby actually arrives. It’s so hard after infertility – barely anyone talks about that side of it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just take it one day at a time. I gave over to optimisim a lot more once viability was passed. I started using “when” not “if” and actually buying stuff. Then had freakouts about movement patterns, but the midwives were lovely about checking me whenever I felt the need.

    Liked by 1 person

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