Make the anxiety stop.

I’m hanging on by a thread, y’all. A thread.

My ultrasound to confirm pregnancy isn’t until Friday and I am one massive ball of nerves. Yesterday brought me to the 6 week mark. I check for blood every time I pee. Every cramp has me terrified that this is the end. Sometimes I’m sure it’s a blighted ovum. I also just learned wtf a molar pregnancy was. WHY DID WE NOT DO GENETIC TESTING?!

Breathe.

Of course there are good moments. Moments where I’m driving to work and for just a second, allow myself to think ahead. Moments where I hold my hand to my stomach and just smile. Husband and I will occasionally talk about the future as if it includes a continuation of this pregnancy. The odds are technically on my side at this point, I’m something like 4 times more likely to have a baby than not. But we all know how I feel about odds and how often I’ve been on the shit end of them. So…I try to take the data with a grain of salt.

I’m really just exhausted all the time at this point. Yesterday I took two naps during the day and was in bed by 9pm. I get bouts of nausea, but haven’t actually gotten sick. On the YAY side though….my boobs? Are looking fabulous! I swear I’ve gone up at least a cup size in the last 2 weeks. Husband poked them the other day and was like good god, woman where did those come from?

So to recap. Crippling anxiety. Very very tentative optimism. AWESOME boobs. Is it Friday yet?

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3 thoughts on “Make the anxiety stop.

  1. Ahhh do I so know this anxiety. It is a time that just has to pass and sometimes does so mercilessly slowly. Yes the odds are in your favor and I have all the best thoughts and hopes for you. I ended up downloading images of early pregnancy anxiety affirmations and would read them over and over when I needed to. Not sure it actually helped but was something. Hoping Friday comes soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I swear time moves in a different way before this scan. The only tips I can give is to find something nice to do on the interim days even if it’s just to kill the time until Friday. Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

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