Moving forward.

Welp. It’s been an eventful two days. Yesterday marked the start of my period (FUCKING FINALLY!), my husband’s 37th birthday, and a meeting with the RE to discuss…everything.

So…it’s a sperm issue. Nothing we didn’t already know. She said given my age and the fact that his counts and quality (HAH) are holding steady, there’s no reason to NOT go ahead with a 3rd cycle should the next transfer fail. It’s really a matter if we can stomach it emotionally and financially. Bright side: 3rd cycle is discounted 50%. So…we could have this going for us. It all boils down to luck and the fact that it’s a numbers game. One of those little fuckers someday is bound to be genetically normal and stick. It’s just up to us to figure out how long we want to wait and what we want to go through for a child this both of ours genetically.

She brought up donor sperm. Whether it be in an IVF cycle with half my husband’s sperm and half donor sperm to confirm our suspicions. Or just straight up IUI with donor sperm. We’ve talked about donor embryos so that I could still experience pregnancy, but donor sperm has never been talked about. And this is where my husband shocked me.

“At this point, I just want to raise a child with her. If there are two parts and we know which part is malfunctioning, you replace that part, right?”

I think I looked at him like he had two heads. I truly thought that he would not want to even discuss it. He just shrugged at me and said “Kids come out not looking like their parents all the time, right?” To her credit, my doctor took it all in stride and agreed. She said “Damn right. You raise that child and it’s yours. No one can take that away from you.”

I won’t bore you with all the details, but we’ve decided to go through with the FET on this cycle with our one remaining embryo. It’s funny and sad at the same time, but I think both of us are kind of checked out on this one. We both know it’s going to fail and we just want to get through it so we can figure out our next step. I start estrace tomorrow and go in for a lining check next Friday the 3rd and will start PIO the next night. If all looks well, the FET is on for Friday the 10th.

I know that sounds…shitty and pessimistic. But it’s kind of freeing in a way. We still have options. Maybe we do another cycle (at 50% off baby!!) and test the donor sperm route with half.

Every time I look at my husband, I want to cry when I realize I may never have a biological child with him. But then I also look at him and realize that I married the most amazing freaking man I’ve ever met.

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