For the love of god, body.

Day THIRTY FUCKING ONE of the cycle that just won’t end.

I went off the pill in January of 2015 and have been tracking my cycles ever since. I went back through the history and I’ve never had a cycle longer than 29 days (and curiously, that was the cycle after my first egg retrieval). 27 days is probably about 70% of my cycles. A few 26’s and 28’s sprinkled in there. So WHAT THE FUCK body?!

I just took a pregnancy test when I got home from work not too long ago. Big ole negative. I’ve never EVER skipped a period – not before the pill, not in the last 2 years. I’m under a normal amount of stress. No lifestyle changes. So truly, body, BRAVO. You have sunk to new levels of annoyance to me. I have all the impending period doom symptoms. My back has been hurting for like a week now. Cramps and twinges in the uterus region. Bloating like a bitch. But nothing. Not even a spot.

Stupid me starting crying when it came up negative. All day I had convinced myself that this was going to be some freak of nature conception. Like, we would fall into that less than 1% chance (yes, I researched it).

I’m tired, y’all. Next week marks 1 year since we got the results of my husband’s first SA after 1 year of actively trying and realized that pregnancy wasn’t going to be easily achieved. I know in the grand scheme of infertility, 2 years is nothing. But I’m feeling it. I’ve dreamt of being pregnant and having babies my entire life and a year ago, I was so optimistic. I’m just tired. Today proves that I still have some optimism left in me, however misplaced. It also proves that reality is a cruel bitch and she has no issue slapping you in the face when she feels like it.

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3 thoughts on “For the love of god, body.

  1. I had one of those last year. 31 days when like you when I’m always 26-28. At first, I thought it was my miracle baby. Then I royally freaked out that it was early menopause. I learned a valuable lesson through it, though – stay off the Internet. Nothing good every comes from Google searches. Oh, and don’t discount your 2 years in the trenches. And hopefully, you won’t have to endure another 2.

    Liked by 1 person

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