Oh, hope.

No news, still no progress on figuring out what we’re going to do next. We took the holidays to just pretend none of this is happening. Don’t knock the power of denial, kids.

Do you ever find yourself hoping for what you know is logically never gonna happen? My period should have been here two days ago, or maybe even yesterday, but it’s still holding off. Logically, I know there is literally zero chance that I could be pregnant. I mean, it takes people with 20 million sperm up to a year to procreate and my husband is holding steady at about 400,000 so trust me. I know it ain’t ever gonna happen.

But there’s that STUPID STUPID STUPID part of my brain that whispers “Maybe.” I tell her to shut up, but it’s there. And I know I will probably start my period tomorrow and I will be so irrationally sad and depressed over it. Over this stupid 48 hour window of time where I cling to some hope of a miracle that I know isn’t coming. You’d think after 2 years and 2 clusterfuck rounds of IVF, I’d be more realistic.

I just really hope I’m not the only one that has these weak moments.

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7 thoughts on “Oh, hope.

    • Exactly! Like come on universe, you owe me a damn baby already. Period is still MIA and it’s really starting to piss me off. I’m on day 30 of what is pretty steadily always a 26-28 day cycle.

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      • Nah, not yet. I’m pretty steadily consistent on cycle length, so I’ve never had a need for it. Dr. Google suggests it could be just a bit wonky this cycle since it’s my first cycle after all the meds/hormones left my system after the egg retrieval. I’m feeling all the symptoms (cramps, major bloating, backache) so I know it’s trying to make an appearance.

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  1. oh yes, I keep hoping that I’ll magically get pregnant naturally and not have to do IVF again even though the chances are so slim. Nearly every month I notice some “symptoms” and start to wonder if just maybe it might have happened. And then disappointment again and again.

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