Said no one. Ever. No one loves to spend the morning at a date with the twat wand. Alas, here I am.
And so begins FET #1. Had my baseline ultrasound yesterday morning to check my lining and check for cysts. All looked as it should, so we are go for launch. My protocol is so freaking simple, I’m convinced she’s playing me. There’s got to be a catch. Literally all I have to do is take increasing amounts of estrogen pills for 2 weeks, then add in a week of PIO shots, then transfer. Then hopefully baby. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Honestly, if I knew then what I know now AND if I had known anyone that had gone through this…I never would have done a fresh transfer in the first place. Even though I didn’t have OHSS or any complications from the retrieval, my body was still a mess. I was hormonal, I was in pain, I was so anxious, and I didn’t have a clue what the hell was happening. I really wish my doctor hadn’t pushed for a fresh. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20. That’s my $17,000 lesson for the day.
We went to a family wedding this past weekend; my husband’s cousin got married. We don’t see his side of the family very often, so it’s always nice to catch up. One cousin has 3 kids, and the littlest girl (she’s almost 2) really took a shine to my husband.
You guys…that was the most painful shit I’ve ever had to watch go down. He was SO F-ING GOOD WITH HER. Like, Mr. Natural Parent over there. It damn near tore my heart in two to watch him with her, because it just reminded me of our failures and how replicating that interaction may never happen. He’s sitting at the breakfast table with her helping her count quarters (I dunno…) and I got this massive lump in my throat and tears welled up. What if we never have a kid for him to teach? I hurriedly got out my eyedrops and used em so no one would question my watery eyes. God. I hate this. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
But I’m trying out optimism. This can work. It has worked for thousands of couples and it can work for us.