Decisions, decisions.

Amazing how the potential life altering choices don’t go away when you take time away from the madness before starting FET prep, isn’t it?

I finally let my husband in on all of the insanity that has been swirling around in my head for the last few weeks since cycle #1 was a bust. It was really good for us. I let out all my fears and I ugly cried and he just held me. Good job, smart guy.

After breaking the news that the transfer wasn’t successful, my RE mentioned something I hadn’t even thought of. She asked if we had ever talked seriously about if we wanted more than 1 child in the future. Because, say we do the FET and (yay!) it works. I’m thrilled, yay baby. But logistically…that will be the only child we’d ever have. You’ve got the 9 months of pregnancy, then I’m sure I won’t even be thinking of another baby for at least a year. That’s almost 2 years before we’d even consider another round of IVF for baby #2. I’ll be 33 at that point, still youngish but we all know that sooner is better than later at this point. My egg quality is only going to go downhill from here. The absolutely highest count my husband’s SA ever produced was 300,000. In 2 years, there will likely be nothing left to work with. So if we seriously hope to have more than 1 biological child, it’s really in our best interest to skip the FET and go straight through to another full blown IVF cycle with the intent of banking more embryos. It feels wrong to be planning our second kid when we haven’t even secured the first yet but logically, I know it’s something to think about.

Now let’s add onto this pile of shit the fact that my husband basically has flat out said he has no intention of returning to this RE for another full cycle should we have to do one. He feels like with the money we paid, we weren’t given the best service. Stupid little things weren’t told to us and they all start adding up. Like, the day of the transfer, no one told me I needed a full bladder. And during the embryo hunger games, no one told me until day 3 that oh BY THE FUCKING WAY “our lab average is that 20% will make it from day 3 to day 5.” Yeah. Maybe should have mentioned that before, would have saved me quite a bit of false hope. The few other people I’ve talked to that have gone through IVF in the DFW area were horrified by that statistic. These ladies all have 5-10 embryos frozen while my RE acted like I should be super pumped that we only got 2/12 to day 5. There are a few more, those are just a few examples. Little things on their own, but when you start adding them up, it’s like well, if they didn’t mention these things, what else did they not mention that maybe could have contributed to the failure?

So. To recap. Husband = awesome dude to fall apart in front of. We have to decide if we want multiple kids before we even have one. And I don’t know how to go about finding a new RE or how to fire my current one should it come to that.

I’m so happy I can drink again.

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2 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions.

  1. Awesome husbands are rad 🙂 you know after our first doctor was a fail I actually found our fertility clinic on Yelp of all things… but seriously go to the SART website and it will allow you to at least search for what clinics are in the area and get their statistics. Then Google their names for reviews as sometimes they’ll come up on fertility forum websites, and check fertilityiq.com if you haven’t already.

    By the way your bladder actually doesn’t have to be full for the transfer that’s just the current practice. After a full bladder the first three times for me my doctors actually having me not have a full bladder for this fourth round ( I over filled it on the third transfer and he had to use a catheter to get out some of the pee and let me tell you you never want to have that happen) and said the full bladder procedure is really a pretty new thing and that he did it without for 20+ years.

    Hindsight is definitely 20/20 when it comes to working with fertility specialists. Get some free consultations with a couple of clinics in your area and see how you feel the best about and quiz the hell out of them. Just don’t expect any of them to be 100% your advocate as they all have their own way of doing things, and from all that I’ve read there is no perfect Clinic, just make sure they listen to you and validate your concerns.

    And while you’re at it please have a good glass of scotch on the rocks for me as I am watching my bottle in the cabinet actually collect dust it’s been so long!! 🙂

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  2. I can totally relate to everything you’ve talked about in this post! We’re currently post- our 2nd failed IVF, each of which has resulted in no viable embryos. We have to decide if we want to do a 3rd IVF and risk getting at most one viable embryo or look into donor eggs where we would likely have many more eggs for more children. It does feel crazy to think about planning to have multiple kids, when one is so elusive at this point! These thoughts make my head spin. We’ve decided to get a 2nd opinion; we’re not unhappy with our current clinic, but with such huge decisions coming up, it makes sense to get another opinion. It does feel awkward, but I just keep telling myself that this is my life and we have to do what’s best for us and not worry about the clinics or the doctors.
    Have you heard of the podcast Beat Infertility? It has some great information on it, which may be helpful to you as you search out a different clinic.
    Sending good thoughts!

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