That, my friends, is how my husband described the technique the nurse was showing me for holding the Follistim injector pen.
Yup. She told me to wrap my hand around it with my thumb on the trigger and then just jab it in at a 90 degree angle. He blurts out “So like, Pulp Fiction style?”
We are clearly responsible adults ready for a baby.
Friday was my final blood test pre-stims and injection training. And boy was THAT a fun afternoon. At that point, my head had still not cleared the mental hurdle that I was indeed going to be willingly stabbing myself on a daily basis. They had a little test block of fake skin for me to practice on. You know what I did for the first one? I stabbed it in so hard that I BENT THE NEEDLE. The nurse said she had never seen anyone do that.
Last night was THE NIGHT. 150 iu of Follistim and 150 iu of Menopur. I had been obsessing over it all day and they told me that I should choose a time between 7-9 every night because the nurse after hours phone was usually shut off at 10 and that gave me to time to call and get answers should I need help for anything. Finally about 7:30 last night, I couldn’t take it any more. I just stood up off the couch and said “Alright, can we just do this shit?” My husband just laughed and said go for it.
Honestly, prepping the Follistim pen was a breeze. Just dial up the dosage and you’re ready to go. The absolute mental mindfuck for me though? Was standing there in front of the bathroom mirror pinching the skin on my stomach ready to go. I knew what I had to do. I knew it was going to be easy enough. But I just couldn’t force my stupid hand to just stab the needle in and do it already. I stood there for a good 2 minutes just trying to psyche myself up to just DO IT. It’s basically that I’ve spent 31 years actively trying NOT to stab myself with things. You don’t just get over that instinct in a day.
So I did it. And dammit I did NOT bend the needle. Thank you, hold your applause. After that I made my husband mix up the Menopur. My hands were shaking BADLY from all the nerves and I didn’t trust myself to mix it properly. There’s a lot of mixing and switching between multiple vials and I was convinced that I would drop something. So like the winner he is, he got it all ready for me and handed me the needle because I am determined to do all of these myself. Menopur freaking BURNS. Protip for anyone out there – inject slowly. It helps. I bled a tiny bit after that one, so I got to put on one of my cute new Star Wars themed band aids. It’s the little things, ya know?
After it was done, I cried. Good lord, I think I’ve cried more in the last 2 months than I have in my entire life up to this point. I think it was a combination of nerves, adrenaline, and just sheer terror about this whole process. My poor husband. He’s taken all of it like a champ. He just gave me a big hug and a kiss and promised me that I was the biggest badass he knew because I just voluntarily injected myself.
I go in Tuesday morning for my first follow up after starting stims. Think happy egg thoughts. And cross your fingers I don’t bend any stupid needles into my skin. Pulp Fiction style, right? 😉
IVF #1 Running Tally:
Number of vials of blood drawn: 11
Number of Twat Wand Sessions: 5
Number of self injections: 2