Let’s talk money.
Oh good lord, the money.
Before we left our first appointment, the RE made sure we had in hand a packet of financial information detailing exactly how much we would be paying for the privilege of trying to science a baby into existence. Almost a month later and I’m still reeling from this packet. My insurance covers absolutely nothing related to infertility treatment. Not even medication. Out of pocket IVF with ICSI at my clinic is about $15,000 with meds. PGS testing is another $4-5K should we choose to go that route. And there’s not even a guarantee that at the end of this shitshow, we’ll have a baby to remind us of how much it was worth it. I keep hearing over and over that IVF Round 1 is usually “diagnostic” to see how you react to the process. That I should just assume it will take 3-4. My husband is one of those freaks of nature that naturally maintains a ridiculously positive outlook while staring down terrible odds. God, I hate him. Not really. But you know. He keeps telling me that if I go into this thinking it will fail, then it will.
But it’s not so simple. I have to let myself be realistic. I’ve always said that hope is the most dangerous drug of all. The more you hope, the harder the crash down to reality is when something goes wrong.
Clearly, the glass is always half empty and waiting for more liquor in my book.
We’re lucky enough to be able to pay for this round. But if we have to do more? Not so simple. At what point do we throw in the towel and start researching adoption, which comes with its own ridiculous price tag?
Then I also have to think, who on earth would want us to adopt their kid? I work ridiculous hours 4 months out of the year. My husband will be 37 by the time any of this gets decided and there’s definitely an age bias. We have a pitbull (who is awesome btw). We have a pool at our house. We aren’t religious AT ALL, which in Texas basically means we are Satanists. On paper, I can’t see anyone picking us.
So…do we just be child free NOT by choice? Do we go into debt trying to bring home a baby (either via IVF or adoption) which is basically THE most expensive life choice you can make? Side note: I am so insanely jealous of every person out there that got pregnant for free.
So. Many. F-ing. Questions.
And I can’t answer a single one right now. Because fuck you, infertility.