Well. Shit.

When I was a little kid, we had this awesome (at the time) swing set in our backyard. My older sister and I would takes turns seeing if we could manage to push the other one ALL THE WAY AROUND (spoiler alert: we couldn’t). There was one time, where she pushed me SO HIGH that 5 year old me panicked mid-swing and thought it would be a brilliant idea to let go of the swing. I crashed down to the ground on my back. It’s the first time I can clearly remember having the wind knocked out of me. For a good 20 seconds, I didn’t think I would ever breathe again.

That is the only way I’ve found to accurately describe the feeling I got when the reproductive endocrinologist informed my husband and me that we would never be able to conceive a child on our own. The only way it could ever happen is with in vitro fertilization (IVF). I literally felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

The first words out of my mouth? “Well. Shit.” Clearly, I am a classy lady and have a way with words.

She went on to inform us of the process, and tell us even more about our problem (which I won’t go into here, because really no one cares about the details), and how this was actually a now or never type situation. It may already be too late, quite honestly, but we won’t know until we try. A few more minutes of consultation and she sent us on to have blood drawn and then I got to have a date with a transvaginal ultrasound.

So. Now we wait. Tests have been run. A plan is in place. I’m literally waiting to start my period any day now so that I can start birth control pills to get this IVF ball rolling. It has been suggested that I need an outlet to process this whole thing. All of my closest girlfriends have children (some are on baby #3…) so I don’t know anyone else that’s gone through this, and I have no one to talk to other than my husband. I don’t even care if no one ever reads this. Shit’s hard, yo. I need to let it out. So…here we are.


Well shit.


5 thoughts on “Well. Shit.

  1. Hugs. You will find that there are tons of people in the same boat as you. It hit me like a ton of bricks too. Only advice I can give you is if you do go into IVF, you want to be as stress free as possible. I know time is ticking but for me it took me about a month to be able to talk about it without bursting into tears and sort of “mourning the situation”. Get advice, do some research and possibly see and consult with more than one RE. It’s amazing how they differ in prices and even protocols. Best of luck to you. It’s overwhelming at first. But lots of us have gotten through it.


  2. I will be starting birth control pills in the next few days to begin our first IVF journey! I too, am scared and nervous…but also a little excited to finally be moving forward. Some days I still can’t believe we ended up here, and other days I feel more settled.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I started blogging for the same reason as you. An outlet to this shitty situation! I don’t care who does or doesn’t read my blog. I didn’t share it with any friends or family, it’s my outlet to share with people who get it.


    Liked by 1 person

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